Performative Men: 6 Ways to Avoid the Label

If you want to avoid the “performative men” label, authenticity is key. To be fair, there’s nothing wrong with carrying your tote bag, drinking your matcha latte, or your hyper-curated “soft boy” aesthetics, but it needs to go beyond scoring pogi points or external validation. Instead of trying to project who you think you should be, focus on being true to yourself.

So how do you work on being a better man without ending up being labeled “performative”? Here are a few tips.

Come from a place of genuine reflection. Ask yourself how you can be a better person and a better ally. In what ways can you do better? You don’t need to perform masculinity – just practice basic consideration.

What do performative men do? They do things for clout and to score compliments. Instead of acting with intention, they seek validation. They behave in ways that signal an emotional intelligence they don’t actually possess. If you’re only respectful and considerate on social media, drinking matcha lattes you don’t actually enjoy, or pretending to like Sylvia Plath to look thoughtful, these behaviors read as highly sus – and you’re bound to be called out.

Someone who is truly sincere listens and shows up consistently. Instead of adopting hobbies to make yourself more appealing, cultivate real ones that you enjoy. Nothing is more attractive than being true to yourself.

On the opposite end of the performative-men spectrum are those who act overly tough. These men take up more space – literally and figuratively – to make themselves feel more confident than they are. Constant flexing, mansplaining, and cultivating an exaggerated image of masculinity actually reads as insecure instead of confident.

Ditch the manly posturing and instead learn to hold space for others in conversations, respect boundaries, ask for consent, and be protective without being possessive. There’s a lot to learn – and unlearn – but if you’re serious about doing better, your actions will speak far louder than any performative display.

Instead of overcomplicating your routine or grooming for show, focus on proper – and consistent – hygiene practices and building your confidence from within.

Be consistent. Don’t just practice good oral hygiene when you’re going out on a date or hanging out with people you want to impress. Brush your teeth with closeup Gel Toothpaste with Antibacterial Zinc Menthol Fresh, which gets rid of 99.9% of bacteria and gives you fresh breath for up to 12 hours with regular use. It also comes with microshine crystals that help whiten teeth, for that confident smile that doesn’t rely on charm alone.

Think about staying fresh to smell good, instead of relying solely on scents. That means taking a shower every day and putting on deodorant spray like AXE Body Spray Blue Lavender. With double the odor-busting zinc technology, this two-in-one deodorant and body spray keeps you smelling like lavender, mint, and amber for 72 hours.

And while making an effort to smell good shows respect and concern for others around you, so does spritzing responsibly. Use any fragrance sparingly to avoid overwhelming people – especially in shared spaces like the office, restaurants, and public transport – and triggering allergies or sensitivities.

One of the things performative men are often called out for is how their fashion is strategically curated for the female gaze. They shop vintage, paint their nails, and collect Labubus. No, there’s nothing wrong with subscribing to this look, but if this softer aesthetic doesn’t go beyond the ‘fit, then it’s all just a performance.

Authenticity goes a long way, even in fashion. If you’re trying too hard, it’ll look like you are. But if you’re confident and comfortable in what you’re wearing, it shows, too. Since your style is a way of announcing who you are to the world, curate a look that’s true to you rather than following a trend for the sake of likes.

Make sure that your clothes are clean and pressed, too. Style doesn’t count for much if you look sloppy. And don’t just make yourself presentable for the ‘gram or when you want to put your best foot forward. Respect for others – and for yourself – means making an effort to look good even if there’s nobody around to witness it.

Wearing glasses you don’t really need, band tees of groups you’ve never listened to, or outdoorsy fits when you don’t even hike or camp is like putting on a costume for a persona you’re trying to project. The same goes for wearing clothes designed to make you look progressive and emotionally attuned. 

Instead of relying on clothes to signal virtues you want to possess, work on the qualities that embody them. Looking and being are two very different things. And fashion should reflect who you genuinely are, not who you’re trying to convince people you are.

If you want to avoid the performative men label, the key is sincerity, authenticity, and consistency. Be true to who you are and practice what you preach. If you align yourself with the values you project into the world, put in the work to actually understand and live those values.