Unhindered Conversations: Navigating the Learning Curve of Online Dating

Have you been told that there are plenty of fish in the sea and wondered, well, where are they? Do you find the “good catch” on dating apps? Entering the cyber dating space can sound exciting and tempting, and you’ve likely also heard it can be difficult. There’s a learning curve to get through, your online interactions may make you cringe and feel awkward, and overall, it can just really get messy.

Still, there’s no harm in testing the waters, yeah? All Things Beauty gets the tea from two women who’ve been there and done that. Read more for their no-holds-barred review on the perks and perils of online dating.

“I’ve said this before, and I stand by it: Dating apps allowed me to meet guys I otherwise wouldn’t have met in real life,” begins Nikki Villasis, who tried Tinder out of curiosity. “Dating apps are an avenue to meet different types of people. Sometimes, you even get to match with those from areas far away from where you’re living,” she adds.

Anna Palac was in her early twenties when she first tried Tinder in 2013. She and her peers agree that it was a time when the app was at its peak. Quality matches were made, they say. Couples met online (and wouldn’t have elsewhere), got married, and now have kids together.

“There are a lot of interesting people out there that you wouldn’t meet under regular face-to-face circumstances,” says Anna. “You get to meet people outside your ‘type’ or circle.” On the whole, dating apps let you cast a wider net, so to speak.

How does online dating work in today’s world? You can survey the catch via their dating profiles, meet them after a swipe right, and build and nurture connections through chat messages. And if it doesn’t work for you? Just uninstall the app.

If anything, it’s made dating easier. “To be frank, it’s a convenient way to connect with people,” shares Nikki. “I think it’s quite apt considering how busy people (like me) have become.”

The first move starts with swiping right – cutting to the chase. “You immediately know there’s a physical attraction because they swiped right,” explains Anna. “If they’ve built a solid profile, it gives you a lot of possible conversation starters – their hobbies, the stories behind their photos, their responses to certain questions,” she adds.

On the flip side, there’s that uncertainty of how things will go when you actually meet. “Vibes online may not always translate IRL,” points out Anna. “There’s also the possibility of getting catfished.”

For Nikki, another downside of dating apps is how “it gamifies dating.” “Ghosting is really common in the apps, and I think it’s an effect of this gamification and the illusion of options that the apps give,” she adds.

In other words, it’s not for the weak. “You need to be secure with who you are when you use the apps because though it’s fun, it can, at times, get frustrating,” says Nikki. “It can shake the way you view yourself if you’re not self-assured.”

So, what’s the best way to navigate the learning curve of online dating? It’s a tricky balancing act of enjoying yourself, getting to know people, keeping an eye out for potential red flags, and having some self-awareness. Anna and Nikki share some cyber dating tips and advice from their own experiences.

Physical attraction is one thing, but it should go deeper than that. “I swipe right if I find them physically attractive, if they have cool hobbies, or if they seem to have a good sense of humor,” shares Anna.

“If the bio expresses something we have in common, or if it’s funny or witty, I swipe right because I know that we’ll have lots to talk about or the person is someone I can banter with,” says Nikki.

Your best ally when it comes to dating apps? “Always go with your gut. It will guide you as you get to know these guys,” reveals Nikki. “In the absence of body language, get to know them by chatting with them in the app. If you’re still comfortable after that, you can move on to a phone call or a video call. Meet with them IRL only if they pass your vibe check,” she advises.

For Anna, it’s best to try seeing the person as they are – and not put them on a pedestal. “Observe their replies and the way they respond over chat,” she says, agreeing that phone or video calls also help. “You can gauge their interest if they keep the conversation going by making insightful comments or sharing something personal. Bottom line? Their responses should make you feel excited about the conversation,” says Anna.

Signs that they’ve passed the vibe check? “I’ll want to meet them IRL if they’ve sustained the conversation with me for a considerable amount of time and they’ve made those talks easy, fun, and consistent,” Anna shares.

“Dating is and should be fun,” says Nikki. “When I match with someone online, I try to be myself in the chatting stage because it’s easier to be authentic IRL when I finally meet them. It’s cliché but it’s true.”

The same mindset applies when meeting in person. “I remind myself before the date that the question that I should be asking myself is ‘Do I like this person?’ instead of ‘What do I do for this person to like me?’” shares Nikki.

Another helpful tip? “I don’t see them as romantic prospects right off the bat,” says Anna. “This way, there’s less pressure to act a certain way. I just want to genuinely get to know them as a person,” she adds.

“I always think of it as ‘meetups’ instead of ‘dates.’ I go to these meetups with the mindset of meeting a friend because the reality is that not all the people you meet IRL from the dating apps would make romantic partners. Most of the time, they’re better off as just friends,” Anna shares with a chuckle. “And I don’t really prepare!”

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For Anna and Nikki, being on dating apps goes beyond finding a match. It led them to know more about themselves and what they wanted. “From conversing and meeting with the guys I matched with, I faced different situations that allowed me to learn more about myself, my dating style, my standards, how I can communicate with them, and how I relate with people,” concludes Nikki.

“The best thing I got out of dating apps is that I was able to meet people that helped inform me of my dating preferences,” shares Anna. “In my case, quantity was key. Had I not met those guys, I wouldn’t have known the things I like (or not like) in a partner and my preferences for meetups or dates, for example. The apps allowed me to try new experiences which expanded my world and my worldview,” she adds.

In hindsight, was all the trouble worth it? You do have to navigate the learning curve, face disappointments (alongside the highs, of course!), and pick yourself back up – stronger each time. Dating apps aren’t for the faint of heart, yes, but going for it can also take you on wild rides and new adventures, and most of all, let you in on a deeper understanding of yourself.